


Legally Sane

by sunaddicted



Series: 007 Games Fics 2k17 [19]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Police, Canon-Typical Violence, DI James Bond, Insane Q, Loosely inspired by Gotham, M/M, Villain Q
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-07 19:11:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11630067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunaddicted/pseuds/sunaddicted
Summary: Alec wordlessly tossed the mobile across his desk to land on James', the web page of the Times open, and nursed his drink. If he knew his partner well - and he did, they'd been friends for decades - the whole precinct would shortly be witness of a truly spectacular explosion of rage.In three.Two.One..."WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!"





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> The sequel nobody asked for

_1._

"Holy crap" Alec sighed, slamming his ever present tumbler of vodka on his messy desk on which towers of years old paperwork dwelt, incomplete and forgotten "I hate this fucking city, I'm going back to Siberia"

James swivelled his chair around, not at all concerned with his friend's comment: statistically speaking, Alec expressed his desire to go back to Russia and hide in Siberia with the wolves at least twice per week - it already was Thursday, no reason to worry "What is it?"

Alec wordlessly tossed the mobile across his desk to land on James', the web page of the Times open, and nursed his drink. If he knew his partner well - and he did, they'd been friends for decades - the whole precinct would shortly be witness of a truly spectacular explosion of rage.

In three.

Two.

One...

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!"

Alec grinned from behind his glass, taking consolation in the fact that James was just as enraged as he was about the latest news: buddies had to stick together to keep each other sane, right? He wasn't even pissed that James had just thrown his phone down on the desk and a distinctive sound of glass breaking could be heard - it wasn't as if he couldn't afford to buy another one.

In that moment the door of Mallory's office swung open "Silva has been released from Broadmoor Hospital" his usually collected voice was brimming with rage and even his face was twisted into an angered expression, such unusual sight that every indignated voice raising in the bullpen immediately died like a choked flame "With a certificate attesting that he's legally sane"

"Bullshit" James spat out "That cop killer is nowhere near sane"

Before becoming Raoul Silva, King of criminal underworld and living nightmare of every single Londoner, the man had been Tiago Rodriguez - a DI with such a stellar career that his quick ascension to the higher spheres of command had been predicted even by the gossiping rags. With his charming foreigner accent and easy laugh, Rodriguez had often been employed to talk with the public which he had wrapped around his little finger and flamboyant ties.

Then something had happened - something the higher ups didn't like to talk about, guiltily trying to bury under the sand any record about Tiago Rodriguez - and the man had snapped: tortured bodies had started to turn up along with a startling and worrying rise in cybercrime.

Personally, James didn't care about whether it was their fault if Rodriguez had turned out that way: he had a personal vendetta against him and wouldn't rest until the bastard was back in the loony bin, where he deserved to slowly rot into a living corpse until Death had mercy of him and came to swipe him away like dust.

He wouldn't forgive nor forget that Silva had killed off his mentor and the only familiar figure in his life except for Alec: Olivia Mansfield, Mallory's predecessor; for some reason, her nickname had stuck and the new commissioner too was known by the moniker of M - though, even if James had learnt to respect the man, he wasn't his M.

"Bond?"

Mallory's voice snapped James out of his recollections "Yes, sir?"

"You're off of the case"

"What?!"

Alec leaned over and put a soothing hand over James' bicep, trying to keep his friend under control while he looked up with an incredulous and inquiring gaze at M's right hand man: Bill Tanner shrugged, thin hair sticking up as if he'd ran his fingers through it while panicking over the news and what to do in response to it.

Mallory's blue irises seemed to harden, clearly sending the message that he wouldn't budge from his decision and that he didn't appreciate being confronted in front of everyone at all "You're too emotionally close to the case - letting you on it would be a breach of protocol"

"I put the bastard behind bars!" James hissed through gritted teeth, fist banging down on the desk with knuckle-bruising force "And for God's sake I'm putting him in there again!"

"Insubordination" Alec whispered after a warning glance Moneypenny - who was observing the train wreck from the sidelines - shot him, hoping that the reminder would calm him down: with Silva on the loose and his lackeys rising in power again, they didn't need for James to be suspended and sitting on his arse at home, stewing in counterproductive fury.

Bill quipped in, his calm voice like a wall between the two clashing men "We don't even have a case, as of now: Silva has been declared legally sane and persecuting him with no concrete reason will lend us into trouble"

Mallory straightened up, strong with the received support, and nodded towards his two best - and most troublesome - Detective Inspectors "Take the rest of the day off, cool down: I expect you to come back with a fresh mind tomorrow and ready to work on your cases" he ordered before walking back into his office.

"That son of a bi-"

Alec clapped James hard on the back, cutting off the air in his lungs to interrupt his tirade "Drinks on me. Tanner, Moneypenny - coming with?"

Eve declined with a wave of her hand, index finger pointing at a folder on her desk.

Tanner did the same, reclining his head towards M's office.

"Well, that's the two of us then" Alec rushed to stand up and tug James out of his chair, pausing long enough to just gather their badges and guns "Let's go and drown your frustration in alcohol"

James let himself be ushered out of the station, frowning down at his mobile while he read the news; he gritted his teeth at every word and his hand twitched with the need to throw it to the ground when a picture of the grinning bastard filled his screen "I can't believe-"

"-that they let him go" Alec finished for him "I know, I know"

"Me too!" A cheerful voice sing-songed.

James stiffened at the feeling of cold metal pressed against his temple and shot an investigating glance at Alec, confirming his suspicion that his partner too had a gun threatening to blow his brain out and all over the pavement "Q"

"James!" The younger man exclaimed, clearly elated about being so easily recognised by the agent "I need to borrow you for a moment"

"The moment is already up" Alec pointed out, fearless even as he felt the distinctive noise of a trigger being fiddled with.

James sighed and nudged his partner with his shoulder, quietly telling him to stand down: it wouldn't be the first time Q abducted him from the streets to have a little chat; he counted on the younger man's fascination with him to keep him alive - which, James did realise, was insane "Let Alec go"

"As soon as you get in my car" Q murmured, nose brushing against the soft skin behind one of the agent's too big and adorable ears while his hand travelled down "Pinkie promise" he giggled, twining their pinkies together and slightly swinging them.

"That's reassuring" James answered, sarcasm heavy in his voice "I suppose you're here to talk about our mutual acquaintance?"

"We have plenty of those" Q pointed out "But yes, I'm here to talk about Silva"

James snorted "I still remember the times when you made lovey-dovey eyes to each other and you called him Raoul" he managed to get out before grunting in pain when Q smashed the gun against his head.

"Get in. Now"

The DI walked into the limousine waiting up for them "I'll text you, Alec" he reassured before Q shoved him inside and slammed the door shut.

What a great day: his nemesis had just kidnapped him and a crazy fucker he hated with all his guts was out of the loony bin.

Siberia was looking more and more attractive, if James was to be honest.


	2. 2.

_2._

Despite not being a fan of kidnappings, James had to give it to Q: the younger man didn't make half-assed jobs of them. With resignation, knowing that he wouldn't be going anywhere until Q let him go, James reclined against the plush leather of his seat; he kept his bound hands in front of him, letting out only an annoyed noise when Q wandering hands slipped to the waistband of his trousers, indulging in too suggestive caresses before retrieving his gun "Not in the mood today"

Q hissed in displeasure, fingers briefly and painfully digging in the man's stomach before he tucked the Detective Inspector's gun away "You never are" he pointed out, tugging the shirt out of Bond's trousers so that he could make a quick work of undoing the buttons: he hadn't had the pleasure of having the man at his mercy since their last encounter and he had been literally burning with the need to see his mark "There it is!"

Still rosy and fresh looking, the mark of his teeth stood out proudly around the smooth skin of the bulletwound scar - a brand of ownership that made every single cell in Q's body tremble with excitement: there wasn't a sight that rates as more attractive, not even some of his more creative and gruesome tableaux.

The glee in the younger man's voice told James what exactly he was talking about "I'm still annoyed with you for that"

"You're no fun" Q pouted and bent down, lips reverently skimming over the scars before he flicked out his tongue to taste the unique blend of Bond's cologne and faint sweat.

James rolled his eyes and moved his shoulder to dislodge the younger man, careful of not accidentally splitting his lips to avoid any form of retaliation: his head was still throbbing after the blow he had received to the head. James really hoped that he didn't have a concussion: he didn't think so, he hadn't passed out after all "We have more important things to talk about, if I'm not mistaken"

Q sighed rather dramatically and sprawled on the seat next to the Detective Inspector - but he had to admit that they exactly didn't have the time to.. play "Silva is going to come after one of us - if not both"

Completely taken and fascinated with the Detective Inspector - and admittedly hungry to step up his game, get out of Silva's shade - Q had turned to Bond and offered his help, basically buying his lover a one-way ticket to Broadmoor Hospital.

It was just his luck that the charming bastard had certainly seduced a sorry excuse of a shrink and gained himself a fucking certificate of sanity: if Silva was legally sane, then Q was the epitome of moral rectitude.

"What a surprise"

"Sarcasm is not appreciated" Q snapped, straightening up to glare at the other man as he knotted his fingers in the man's unbuttoned shirt, mercilessly wrinkling it; a not-so-hidden part of himself purred in delight at the idea of bringing Bond back to the precinct looking like he had just been shagged within an inch of his life.

James gritted his teeth "Then get to the point" he hissed, annoyed: Silva was going to come after him, sooner or later, and he wasn't exactly thrilled about the idea of being at a disadvantage; Mallory and Tanner had effectively tied his hands and, unless he wanted to risk a suspension - or worse, the badge - James had to play nice.

Or to ally himself with the lesser evil and let Q do the job for him, no matter how much James disliked the idea - especially since it meant that he would owe the lunatic currently sitting too close to him a favour.

Alec had been right when he had told him that compromising with the criminals was a slippery slope that would only lead him to hell and straight into a fiery pit, in which he would burn alive - and no, James didn't think that he was being uselessly dramatic.

"I suppose you have a plan" James encouraged "Or did you abduct me just to whine and tell me to solve the problem?"

Q ignored the biting remark, letting go of Bond's shirt "I was going to propose we should lure him out to play"

James arched an eyebrow "You belong in Broadmoor Hospital too, you realise that right?"

"This scheme is not as insane as it sounds, if only you would shut up and listen"

The older man sighed and moved his hands in 'go on' motion as much as he could with his wrists bound together, thinking about Siberia in the meanwhile - so silent, empty... blissful.

"Silva is going to lay low, act like the little reformed puppy he wants people to believe he is"

James cleared his throat "I apologise for the interruption, but can I just point out how weird is it to hear you call him Silva?" He teased, unable to let go of an occasion to rile the younger man up.

Q rolled his eyes "Are you done?"

"Please, go on - I think you were trying to make an interesting point" James conceded, mind sharpening after he got out of his system the teasing words.

"As I was trying to say, Silva is going to attempt at being as inconspicuous as possible - we can't afford giving him the time to restart building his connections: he'll come and bite us in the ass when we least expect it" Q reasoned, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose "If we lure him out with our combined efforts, we can push him in revealing his real game and you can send him again to the loony bin"

James whistled "It actually is... a sound plan"

"I told you I'm a certified genius" Q preened, body melting again against Bond's and neck arched so that he could kiss his way up to the man's jaw, tongue swiping over the gritty texture of stubble.

James hummed in agreement, eyelids slipping closed: he had already struck a deal with the devil, what could go worse if he indulged in long-coveted fantasy? "So you did"

"Are you flirting with me, Detective Inspector?" Q inquired, nibbling his way up to Bond's ear before he gently closed his teeth over the tender flesh and tugged "Because I'm loving it"


End file.
